Things People ARE Saying Behind Your Back

So, I was thinking about how I made a lot of choices in my life that...well, are surprisingly controversial. There are choices I had expected a lot more reaction out of just because I'd been around people who said things about people who did what I did. They were so vicious and sure of how they were right that I thought they'd be all up on my case.

Actually, what really happens is this...

They say nothing.

So I thought I'd write this blog to let you all know what people are REALLY thinking about you and your life choices. Because now that you've made your choice, they're not going to tell you! You always wanted the superpower of mind reading...here are the things I've heard people say that you might have missed.

You got married. I mean, you got married, period. Doesn't matter if you were 19, 25 or 50. You got married and there are people who think one of these things about you:
1. You got married too young.
2. You settled too soon.
3. You don't know anything about marriage, because if you did you wouldn't have done it.
4. Your reception was weird.

You're having a baby. 
1. You're too broke. Basically, everyone tries to break down what they think your income is and how much debt you must have and where the extra money for baby is coming from. Come to think of it...people do the same thing when you buy a car or house or go on vacation or really any large purchase.
2. You're too young.
3. You're having an "oops" kid.

You picked a major.
1. You'll never get a decent job.
2. You're being too ambitious and greedy.
3. So...you don't want to be a mom? You must, like, hate children or something.

You have a religion/You're not religious. You changed religions, you're religious, you're orthodox, you're unorthodox, are "spiritual", atheist...just whatever. Doesn't matter...all of these apply to everyone.
1. You've got some weird beliefs.
2. You just go along with whatever is "cool" or are just doing what your mommy and daddy told you to.
3. You must have made a lot of really dumb mistakes in your life to get you where you are...
4. That does not sound fun. At all.

You've expressed a political opinion.
1. What an idiot, no idea what he/she is talking about.
2. Someone's on CNN/Fox waaaaaay too much.

On a positive more encouraging note: be brave little souls. Everybody talks, but very few are individuals of action. Be a man/woman of action!

Women in Leadership: You and Female Bosses

Good news! The gender gap is decreasing. Bad news...a lot of people still look at women in leadership and think it's a bad deal.

http://www.cnn.com/2013/11/13/living/identity-gallup-male-boss-female-boss/index.html?hpt=hp_bn11

At the commencement of my college career and the beginning of my career, surveys like this make me feel nervous in regards to my career, but not surprised. In leadership roles I've held in through college I know first hand about the kind of disrespect and negative opinions people have held against me because I am a woman. I was in charge of a meeting and as I began to move the group through the agenda one man turned to another and said, "Oh, look how cute. She's trying to be in charge." 

I still feel sick about this comment and incredibly hurt by the laughter that followed from all the other men in the room. Before that, I hadn't noticed that I was standing in front of an all-male group. Then I was keenly aware, and saw fully how little regard they had for my expertise, planning and preparation despite being confident and assertive in my demeanor.

I don't know if that hurt nearly as bad as when I've shared my story and shock at how objectified I was made to be to others and was met with such comments as "It's okay that they think you're cute, you should be flattered" or "You're overreacting". If you also do not see the problem with my situation, I dare you in your next meeting to call your male boss cute and mock their attempts to direct your team. Do it and see how excited they are to give you a raise or promotion...ever.

I'm writing this blog post to call everyone's attention to this issue and to call for you to recognize this issue as an actual issue. It does matter. It's wrong to judge a person's leadership skills based on gender, and it's wrong to discount someones qualifications and work based on gender. Don't wrongly call assertiveness bossiness just because the subject in question is female!

It scares me as I enter the workforce formally that I may have yet another hurdle to jump over in addition to becoming more qualified and working hard. After all that, I have to figure out how to negate these stereotypes that came in to play because who knows who got together and decided, "Hey, let's pretend women aren't real people and get offended when they get to be the boss of us."

I just wish people could just hate their boss and have it be about the person and not the person's gender. One boss who wasn't very good who happened to be female doesn't mean you won't love me as your boss.

Uninspiring Pile of Old Socks

I am realizing that when I do not take time to do writing, I feel like a pile of dirty old socks that don't know the meaning of a laundry basket. I am worn, tired and at times...a little sweaty. I need to write.

Sure, going running unleashes my excess energy that is oft just nervous energy. There's so much to be nervous about: new neighborhood, pending college graduation, exams, job searching and adjusting to all of my sibling and siblings-in-law moving in to other times zones. 

Absolutely, yoga can be incredibly restorative and get my stressed muscles relaxed and my mind refocused on the things that are most important. There are a lot of distractions, all the little details on my homework that I could agonize over in to eternity until I lost whatever semblance of sanity I pretended to have. The endless calculating "what ifs" about job prospects and potential cumulative GPA. 

However, it is writing that wakes me up, makes me excited and energized. When my life is college classes, running and yoga...all I am is just a relaxed, calm but depressed lump of socks. 

What's that saying? A bad day of writing is better than a good day of college? Yes. That sounds right. 

It's a little hard being patient to work on the writing projects I'm so excited about. I'll be starting up my website and a new blog (yes, a new blog...better yet a blog with a purpose! Unlike this one...) on Wordpress! I'm REALLY excited about this project, and I think you'll really like it. Besides, I know I will even if you don't!

I want to do it all TODAY but I have to do homework. I have to make sure this semester is my last semester of college. It would be silly to be this close and shirk off managerial economics. So I wait...

However, I need to keep doing a little writing here and there where I can in between quizzes and class projects. It keeps me feeling motivated and happy. Hmm, inspired. That's the word. Inspired. After days and days and days of mathematics and charts and numbers, it tends to leave one feeling a bit uninspired.

Now that's just sad looking isn't it?

So, as a message to my never ending pile of homework and exams: you can wait. You can wait for 30 minutes, maybe an hour, or since I'm feeling crazy...two hours! I'm spending time elsewhere. I have a novel to write, a blog to start, a website for my writing to create...you can wait.

Dear Mankind (from All the Attractive Women of the World)

I just found this gem of a blog post I wrote when I was 19. (March 2010) It deserved a re-publish.

This blog entry is written for you (cough…cough…men) who seem to not understand how to cope with our (seriously hot mama’s) attractiveness. Here is our outline of requests.

1.       Just because we are attractive…does not mean “Please, touch me!” Quite frankly at our level of awesomeness…it means “Touch me and I will personally see to your demise.”  I think I speak for all women when I say this. People, you need to understand women very much so are like cats. We are very adorable, but please don’t look so shocked if the claws come out. We as attractive women, are not whores and we don’t want you getting all grabby!

2.       We insist upon intelligent conversation. If that cannot be provided the exit is just that-a-way.

3.       To the men who think they leave a seriously attractive woman and think we’re going to just “take them back” or expect us to miss you enough to care. Grow up. It’s not happening, sweetheart.

4.       We’re very attractive. It means we expect some effort on your part. Aka…the shower and some hair gel.

5.       Don’t expect us to change our minds about our standards.

6.       No seriously, we’re not changing.

7.       We are not jealous. We just don’t share, because we deserve the best.

8.       We don’t look like convenience shops. We are not convenience shops.

9.       We really don’t care that our attractiveness is overwhelming to you, if you want to argue with a seriously attractive woman you’d better have the guts to do it in person. Never via text message or IM.

10.   Just because that one time, that one girl was okay with something, or acted more like this or whatever it was that she was like…does not mean we’re the same way. Every woman is different. If you don’t appreciate us as the individuals we are you don’t deserve us. 

Take a Break!

Note: I wrote this blog a few weeks back and neglected to publish it...so here it is. Enjoy!

I missed a week of blogging, well, okay, I took time to write my blog but nothing is ready for the final upload. I have a project I'm working on for this blog. I will be doing an education series soon. It turned out to be a bigger project than I expected. At first I thought I was just going to tackle homeschooling and student loan debt and maybe health education, but then there was so much more to discuss! I want to wait until I've pulled all of my facts together and organized the topics appropriately (it is too easy to rant about education! I don't want a rant. Neither do you.)

What my Fall Break hike looked like.

Right now, I am enjoying a lovely Fall Break. Typically, my Fall and Spring Breaks generally consist of me saying I'm going to get ahead (or catch up...depending on circumstances). Instead I end up doing some work (which is nice) but I end up feeling disappointed in how much I am able to get done.

This semester is a little different. First way it is different is I do not do homework on Sunday's anymore. (Well, okay, there was one Sunday I did...fell ill on Saturday, so I made up for it Sunday.) One way this has been great is that come Monday, I am so excited to do homework. Perhaps it is part adrenaline of have a deadline move a day closer without having done anything...but in any case, I think having that day has been very good for me. In that same vein, I've decided to actually have Fall Break and not do homework.

It's amazing how telling taking a break is. I've learned I have a sick compulsion to study. All. the. time. I hid the textbooks. I put away my notes. My first moment of no homework, I instantly thought. Homework. That sounds good. Guys, I don't particularly enjoy some of these classes, and it's not that I don't have other talents and hobbies outside of spreadsheets and financial auditing. I have a lot of things I could be doing. Practice the ukulele or guitar. Writing, heavens! Writing!! I love writing! Yoga? Running? Hiking up the canyon that is just 15 minutes away from me? Reading. Hanging out at a bookstore. I have a lot I could be doing.

Breaks are so good for you. Take a break. It's fun to find out what your habits are and see how attached you are to what things. I don't think we really know what we "do" until we have nothing to do.